09-10-2025
Part Two
Have you ever been in a meeting or reading an email and suddenly felt uncomfortable? Maybe someone said something you disagreed with, or the direction your colleague wanted to go with a project didn’t feel quite right. In those moments, did you stop to ask yourself why you felt that way? Some people can quickly identify their emotions and what is causing them, while others struggle. Without that awareness, it’s easy to become defensive and push back impulsively. But recognizing what we’re feeling — and why — is key to navigating these situations effectively.
In this article, the second in a two-part series on Emotional Intelligence, we will discuss how to understand and navigate our own emotions and mindset, which will help us to communicate better at work.
Dr. Brene Brown, in her groundbreaking 2021 book Atlas of the Heart, identifies 87 emotions and experiences that people often feel. In spite of this large number, Brown revealed we often only will identify three emotions: happiness, sadness and anger. When people are feeling frustrated or stressed, they may translate that into anger because they are not fully understanding what emotion they are feeling and why. This can be problematic, especially at work. Working with others can be incredibly rewarding, but it also can be difficult at times. Learning to understand and navigate the negative emotions you feel is important if you want to be successful at work.
Whenever I feel uncomfortable or frustrated, I get curious about my emotions. I work to try to clearly identify what I am feeling. Am I frustrated? Am I disappointed? Am I angry? Like a doctor who identifies a specific disease can treat the illness and not just the symptoms, when I identify what specific emotions I am feeling and why I am feeling them, I can determine how best to respond.
What we value can drive our emotions and actions. If we value integrity, respect, fairness, responsibility, etc., we will become upset if those values are not upheld at work. For example, if your colleague is causing the team to be late on a deliverable again and you notice you are becoming angry, do a quick values check. You may see that it is your value of responsibility that is driving the emotion, and by taking a moment to reflect, you can clearly communicate to your colleague the importance of meeting obligations. Anger will not help the situation, but clear communication often will.
Our mindset plays a major role in how we feel about other people and the situations in which we find ourselves.
Do you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? An easy test: If you are resistant to change for no other reason than that is always the way it has been done, that is a fixed mindset. A growth mindset is important because in an ever-changing world being flexible and agile in how we solve problems allows for more creativity and innovation. For example, what if Blockbuster had partnered with Netflix when it had the chance? How might things have turned out differently for them?
It is also important to consider if the emotion I am feeling is due to something with my mindset or my own actions or if it is due to something the other person said or did. Sometimes I am the one in the wrong, and sometimes it is the other person, but I must be able to determine is it me or is it them?
If I have a fixed mindset on a project and a team member just has the intention to try and think of another way to creatively solve a problem, then perhaps I should be more open-minded and hear them out. However, if a colleague has a history of trying to take over projects and is doing so with my work, then I need to have a conversation with the colleague and set a healthy boundary.
A key ingredient to building healthy and productive workplaces is the ability to have tough conversations in a professional manner. People are people. They are going to disagree. They are going to feel emotions, but people who can navigate their own feelings and are willing to have tough conversations are the people who can solve problems. They don’t shy away from those tough conversations or let their emotions take over. They know how to skillfully navigate their own emotions and work to understand those around them in order to accomplish common goals.
Emotional Intelligence is like a superpower, and we all get to choose to use it or not. When we do use it, we are better employees, colleagues and leaders. We are also happier people overall because we understand how to navigate our emotions instead of letting them control us.
The next time you are feeling uncomfortable at work, consider doing the following:
This blog post is part of a series written by Professor Kasie Roberson. This series is designed to share best practices in business communication. Each article highlights a business communication principle or idea and actionable strategies.
Kasie Roberson is a Clinical Associate Professor in the Organizational Behavior and Human Resources Department and Head of the Leadership Coaching Institute in the Center for Working Well at the Mitch Daniels School of Business at Purdue University.
A strategic communication expert, executive coach, and award-winning faculty member, Roberson is also the author of “Strategic Business Writing: A People-First Approach.”
If you are interested in scheduling Roberson as a speaker for your organization or company, please contact the Center for Working Well.
This blog post provides general insights and best practices for business communication. It is for informational purposes only and should not be considered coaching, consulting, or professional advice. Neither Professor Kasie Roberson, nor the Mitch Daniels School of Business, nor Purdue University are responsible for how readers apply this information in practice. Readers should use their discretion and seek professional guidance as needed.
