05-29-2025
Straight out of high school, Ben Dunford was looking to earn cash as a painting contractor. He quickly became discouraged with his fee structure, but kept silent to avoid upsetting the company’s owner. The silence helped build tension to the point that it led to confrontation and eventually the dissolution of his partnership.
Now a professor of organizational behavior and human resources at Purdue’s Mitch Daniels School of Business and founder of a management consulting company called Alverca, Dunford offers a framework — called PAUSE — to help people decide when to engage in confrontation and when to refrain.
The first consideration is Priority. Is the issue important? “Not every problem is worth addressing,” he says. “Engaging in every disagreement can lead to unnecessary stress, get you into the weeds, reward others’ bad behavior, and divert your attention from bigger priorities."
The second is Aim. Is your purpose unclear? “If you cannot clearly define the purpose of the conversation in your own mind, you risk putting the other person on the defensive or escalating the conflict unnecessarily. If you lack clarity on your own purpose, pause until you can clearly articulate what you need and why it matters,” he says.
Third is Understanding. Will your motives be misunderstood? “Trust plays a critical role in how feedback is received. If the person you are confronting questions your motives, they are more likely to become defensive and reject the message,” he says.
Fourth is Standards. Are expectations unclear? “Conflict often arises when roles, responsibilities or expectations are ambiguous,” he says. “If people are unaware of what is expected of them, or they are trying to hit a moving target, confrontation will feel unfair or manipulative.”
The final consideration is Environment. Are the settings, circumstances and timing wrong? “Even when a conversation needs to happen, time and place matter. If the person you need to confront is going through a personal crisis or under extreme stress, they may not be in the right headspace to engage in a constructive conversation,” he says.
By considering these five factors, Dunford says you can choose your battles wisely. “Even when a confrontation doesn’t go perfectly, approaching it with trust, sincerity and humility will almost always lead to stronger relationships and better long-term results.
“The more you practice knowing when to speak and when to pause, the more confident and effective you will become in handling difficult conversations.”
