‘With Them, Not to Them’: Leading Change with Empathy and Clarity

Aryca Peay Woodson

05-28-2025

“People want change done with them, not to them.”

A senior colleague offered this advice just before I led my first stakeholder meeting over a decade ago. At the time, I was fresh out of grad school and didn’t fully grasp the weight of that insight. Now, after years of leading change efforts — including during a global pandemic — it’s a mantra I return to often.

We sometimes have a tendency to assume resistance to change is due to a lack of information. But most employees do understand what’s changing — they just don’t see themselves in the new vision. This resistance is often rooted in fear of loss, not confusion.

Empathy helps bridge that gap. Not as a soft skill, but as a leadership strategy.

When COVID-19 upended a strict “no remote work” policy at my organization, I learned firsthand that successful change doesn’t begin with strategy. It begins with trust. Our people were navigating homeschooling, job uncertainty and emotional overwhelm. Before they could support a new plan, they needed to feel seen.

Research supports this: psychologically safe workplaces — where people feel valued and heard — are more adaptive during uncertainty. In other words, empathy fosters resilience.

But what does empathy look like in practice?

• Emotions: Change brings anxiety. Leaders must communicate clearly and consistently to reduce distress.
• Values: Align messaging with both organizational and personal values. Transparency builds credibility.
• Relationships: Every employee’s experience is shaped by their unique personal context — families, friendships, caregiving roles. Acknowledge that complexity.

Importantly, empathy doesn’t mean avoiding accountability. Sometimes, the most caring choice is helping someone find a role or environment better aligned with their values.

So, where do we go from here? Motivating Language Theory offers a helpful roadmap of three types of language to integrate:

1. Direction-giving language clarifies roles and expectations.
2. Empathetic language shows care and builds trust.
3. Meaning-making language connects the change to a larger purpose.

If you’re leading a change effort, consider this communication approach:

• Explain the “what,” “why,” and “how” and tie it all to your mission.
• Validate a range of emotions without glossing over discomfort.
• Provide structure to reduce uncertainty.
• Create space for people to be heard, even if the outcome won’t always change.

In the end, communicating change with empathy isn’t soft leadership, but rather, prudent leadership. When leaders slow down to acknowledge emotions, clarify direction and connect to purpose, they increase the odds that change becomes a shared journey, and not a forced trek.